You Don’t Owe Her Anything
So let’s say you’ve had your eyes on this girl. She’s fallen in love. You guys go through the infatuation phase where it’s hard to go wrong unless you get too sappy and soft.
Let’s assume you’ve loved her too. You’ve invested a lot into her. Us guys do that. Whether we show it or not. We’re the ones who put most of the energy into the mating game: the women are the gatekeepers, the rejectors.
You’ve done your best. You’ve given her your best. Then you notice the inevitable… she starts fading away. Her attraction dissipates. She gets bored of you. Or you’ve made a mistake and she’s not mature enough to understand and get over it (this happens a lot when you go younger). Or she’s just at that time in her cycle and doesn’t realize it. You feel like things are slipping away. And maybe they fall off a cliff. Or maybe things fade in and out, and you notice that every few weeks she has a spike of interest in you (most likely she’s ovulating or at a peak in her cycle).
The odds are stacked against you. You’ve got to realize this when you get into the relationship game. That doesn’t mean you throw in the towel. It means you you set your expectations accordingly, and keep trying. You build in the option of failure. And the huge role of luck in all human dynamics.
So you’ve gone through this slipping away for a while, but neither of you are willing to let go and it turns into this emotional roller coaster (which itself can be quite thrilling and addicting). Ideally, this is where you dig your feet in, and despite all your impulses, walk away permanently. Burn bridges. Move on. Get over it. Cold turkey.
Let’s say that a few weeks into this, you have an impulse to get back in touch with her because, really, deep down, you feel that she’s special and you really did love her and you’re going to fight for her. But she’s totally moved on. And after fighting to win her back a little (a mistake unless the two of you have a long, deep history) you’ve come to realize that she’s not coming back.
The fact is… even she doesn’t realize why she’s not attracted to you. All she knows is she doesn’t feel it anymore. And she’s tired of the rollercoaster. The energy. The disappointment. The pain.
In these situations you really need to move on. She doesn’t owe you anything. And you don’t owe her anything. And don’t take it personally. It’s not your fault that she’s lost attraction for you. She just has. For a huge number of reasons. Many of them just bad luck.
That’s why you don’t bank on one girl when you’re dating. Same reason you don’t bank on a single superstar when you’re trying to win a Stanley Cup Championship. Or why your hospital doesn’t have just one doctor.
