Phase Frame

How to thrive as a man.

Why do women like to have their hair pulled during sex?

with 2 comments

A reader asks:

Is it just in porn or do women actually like to have their hair pulled during sex?

In my experience (a few dozen women), almost every woman I’ve been with has either explicitly stated that she wanted her hair pulled during sex or has expressed that she enjoyed it after the fact (for safe things like light hair pulling, I’ve never asked for permission and you shouldn’t either).

So why do women enjoy having their hair pulled during sex? For a variety of reasons. A lot of the reasons overlap with why many women have rape fantasies: women enjoy complete submission to a strong, confident, powerful man. Hair pulling gives the sense of being controlled…. which most women enjoy temporarily during sex (even if not permanently in the relationship). There is also a unique form of pleasure and stimulation that comes when you mix light pain in with the pleasure. Plus there’s the whole bad-girl psychology… hair pulling feels a bit risky and edgy.

So let’s think about this… in general, what do women like in the bedroom?

– being kissed passionately (the feeling of “the melding of body AND soul”)
– being moved around by a man (you direct the show, not her)
– being dominated from on top (almost every woman I’ve been with has preferred man-on-top sex, with occasional cowgirl/reverse cowgirl to mix things up)
– light spanking (relationship to authority + light pain)
– light hair pulling (being controlled + light pain)
– being given instructions (not having to think much… being out out of mind)
– being overcome (sex can be really enjoyable for both parties when she fights you for access, playfully)

All of this fits into a pattern: women want to be overcome, dominated and controlled by a worthy man in a safe context. That’s why women enjoy hair pulling during sex.

Written by James

May 2, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Posted in Sexuality

2 Responses

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  1. Nope.

    Hair pulling is primal. It wakes up every single cell (including the primordial), induces a flight or fight response, oxygenates the blood, stimulates breathing, elevates a natural high.

    All that other stuff is right out.


    May 8, 2013 at 5:36 am

    • Selene, the fighter. Why yes, everything in this universe only has one explanation, now doesn’t it?

      Your main point here is not contradictory to what I’ve said in my post…it’s complimentary (I focus more on the psychological, you focus more on the physical). I agree with what you say for the most part: “a unique form of pleasure and stimulation”


      May 8, 2013 at 12:57 pm

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