Phase Frame

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while. And so here it is. The holy grail: How to find a good wife.

I’m a big believer in long term relationships. For many, this means the ultimate commitment: marriage. Although I don’t believe that marriage is the only way to have a healthy long-term relationship with a woman, it has served society well for thousands of years, and I can understand the many benefits of marriage (especially if you want kids). At it’s best, marriage is the strongest, most lasting commitment you can get in life.

Marriage also has many risks. And I am not certain that it is worth the risks unless you spend a lot of time doing your homework, being realistic about the woman (giving yourself time to see her faults), and holding high standards.

But that’s what phase frame is all about. Preparation. Doing things on your terms. Being intentional. Not settling for mediocrity in your life. Keeping your standards high… for yourself, and for your partners.

With that in mind, here is what I think you should look for in a wife. You can test all of this out before you propose to her. And guys… please don’t get married because she gives good head or is especially good at reverse cowgirl, or has ultra perky tits… you can get all of that without getting married. Marriage takes work. So find a good “co-worker”. Hopefully one that’s pretty damn hot.

I’ve included 26 priorities in choosing a woman for marriage. I’d love to hear more suggestions in the comment section. Most importantly, take your time guys. Don’t rush into it. And make sure you’ve got a gem before taking the plunge. The bachelor’s life isn’t all that bad. Yeah, I think the committed life can be even better. But only under very, very, very specific conditions. And most people don’t do their homework. You can.

Priority 1: A good woman will admire you. Look up to you. Be proud to be seen with you in public.

Priority 2: A good woman will have developed a useful skill that takes significant practice. This is a sign of committment, perseverance and discipline. Characteristics required for a successful marriage.

Priority 3: A good woman should be attractive to you. And she should want to stay attractive for you. A fit woman can give you great sex into her late 50′s or early 60′s. A lazy woman is going to go bad in her 30′s. That’s 30 years of sex. And don’t pretend that sex doesn’t matter where true love is present. Sex is the glue of marriage.

Priority 4: A good woman should support your aspirations and goals in life. She should enable you to be the best man you can be.

Priority 5: A good woman will be playful and light. She will not take herself too seriously. She will be a tease.. in a good way. She will seduce you. She will do bold and risky things with you. She will make life fun. Joyful.

Priority 6: A good woman will speak her mind respectfully, and deal with conflict directly.

Priority 7: The two of you should successfully make it to the cycling phase of a long-term relationship together BEFORE getting married

Priority 8: A good woman will not act like an entitled princess. She will be eager to please you, and happy when you please her.

Priority 9: A good woman will not demand things from you, or ask you to do things that she should do for herself.

Priority 10: A good woman will have frequent, passionate sex with you (3+ times per week)

Priority 11: A good woman will communicate clearly and not play mind games. She will not expect you to be a mind reader.

Priority 12: A good woman will not try to change you.

Priority 13: A good woman will not easily feel threatened by other women.

Priority 14: A good woman will not boss you around or give you any commands.

Priority 15: A good woman should be able to accept the ambiguities and realities of life: does she understand or simply get offended that men like boobs?

Priority 16: A good woman should be able to prioritize you over her own mother, father and siblings.

Priority 17: A good woman should be able to let go of resentment and be capable of forgiveness. You’re going to screw up, you’re not perfect.

Priority 18: A good woman will give you the space to be a man. To pursue hobbies. To do your thing. Alone or with your friends.

Priority 19: A good woman will not get jealous of your friends.

Priority 20: A good woman should be your sidekick. Your partner in crime. Your comrade.

Priority 21: A good woman will not use the silent treatment.

Priority 22: A good woman will not withold sex as a form of punishment.

Priority 23: A good woman will not be excessively career driven

Priority 24: A good woman will not have slept with more than 2 guys (preferably none) prior to you

Priority 25: A good woman will understand her cycle, and how it affects her sexual desire

Priority 26: A good woman will not be co-dependent. She will not expect you to be her savior.

So that was the easy part. My hope in some future posts is to address how to test women for marriage using these priorities as a measuring stick without expecting perfection. Because that, you will never find. But you can find a good wife. And that’ll be one of our ongoing themes here at PhaseFrame.