One of the central parts of “phase frame” is self-control. The toughest battle you will ever face in life is the one against yourself. That battle between the you who wants to settle and the you who wants to get better.
The addict has no restraint. He flows with his impulses. The booze, the cocaine, the raw feelings (or potential feelings) are in control. Not him.
Phase frame is about taking control of your own happiness and not putting it in the hands of other things or other people. Being grounded in reality. Not being easily blown over by the winds of change.
When you are in a relationship with a woman, you need to use restraint. That doesn’t mean that you turn stoic. It means that you can’t let the woman become your drug. You’ve got to live your life. Be passionate about the things you love to do. And when it’s the woman’s turn, you enjoy her… completely.
If you master restraint in relationships, you’ll find the following things play out:
1. You’ll inject something exciting into the relationship once or twice a week
2. You’ll let her initiate most contact the rest of the time
3. You won’t seek out more frequent highs… you’ll be patient and wait for it… wait for it… now do your thing.
4. You’ll learn to “display” at appropriate times and at an appropriate pace and not feel pressure to display 100% of the time
5. She’ll do most of the talking and most of the displaying for you
If you want the sort of woman who is eager to please you, then you have to gain control over the feedback you give to her. Don’t overdue it. Don’t eliminate it. Find that sweet spot. And know that the sweet spot takes restraint.