What you need to know about marriage:

The only good reason to get married is for the kids (my humble opinion) because…

1) Only 2% of children living with both parents live in poverty and…

2) Children in single-parent homes are 2-3 times more likely to have behavioral and emotional problems

3) It seems that the social norm is for men to be about 2 years older than the women they marry

What you need to know about relationships:

4) Women have 5.8% more sex between the ages 14 and 29

5) Men have 8.6% more sex from 30 on

Some things I’ll add:

6) Frequent sex with a long term partner is strongly correlated to happiness.

7) Studies have shown that the later people wait to get married, the less likely they are to get divorced

8) 27-29 seems to be the marriage sweet spot… correlated with higher income levels

Source: Top Counseling Schools

the words of Tony Horton at 29:50 in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXUDvQ-JXU0

Women lifted (and carried for long distances) babies and children and jugs of water.
Men lifted (and carried for long distances) animal carcasses, logs, big stones.

One of my friends wrote yesterday to tell me how she had to carry large mountain stone from one side of her yard to another. And that her body felt amazing from the experience. It had reminded her of conversations she and I had had in the past about the importance of lifting heavy things… for both men and women.

So here’s a wild idea. Find a source of heavy stones/rocks. What’s heavy is relative to your body and strength. It would be good to get some variety. Find a spot in your yard where you can leave the pile. A few times each week, spend 30 minutes moving the rocks from one spot to another that’s about 50ft away.

If you have the time, give it a shot and let me know how it works. A very natural workout that should make your body feel amazing.

Just watch out for snakes;)

Having said that, if you’re looking for that last second tweak before hitting the beach, here’s an exercise that I’ve found will tweak your waist pretty well. In case the video isn’t clear, you’re picking up a weight (20-40lbs) off the ground on one side of your body (left) and pretending to put it up on a shelf on the other side (right).

One of the more provocative memories is this common line, a variety of which I’ve heard at least half a dozen times now…

James, I can’t….. Nooo. I can’t. I’m not like those other girls! (said with a coy smile that betrays her words)

(oh the irony… as she speaks the words of so many girls before her)

The great thing about this pattern is that it teaches us a lot about what’s going on in the female brain:

1) a desire to be different than all the other girls
2) a hidden desire to have the man make the decision
3) social pressure to not be a slut … to keep the count down
4) an impulse to do her due diligence in resisting and playing hard to get
5) a desire to have sex happen to her through inevitability… despite her rational brain

Words like this magnify the fact that you’ve got to learn with women to read behavior and action over words. If she’s in heaven… if she’s smiling… if she’s glorified… the words are just part of the ritual.

On the other hand, if she’s genuinely terrified and saying no like she means it… then as a man who respects himself, you must pull back. That’s never happened to me though. I’ve never pushed myself on a woman unless I was relatively certain she wanted me. Behavior trumps.

So here’s an obvious strategy for improving your success with women: increase the number of non-overlapping social circles that you are part of.

Start a list.

Church.
Swimming.
Yoga.
Coffee Shop.
Cycling club.
Montana
Oklahoma
Kansas

And commit to increasing your number of social circles by at least 2 per year (once every 6 months) until you’re somewhere between 10 and 15.

All relationship opportunity emerges from two primary things: 1) value proximity and 2) physical proximity.

You end up with people who share common interests/goals and people who share the same space. With the advent of the Internet of course value proximity becomes more important … but to actually hook up, you’ll need the physical proximity too.

If you’re socially competent. And independently confident. Then you can easily increase your relational opportunities by increasing your social opportunities. And in today’s world, increasing your social opportunities has never been easier. Activity groups are all over. And there are websites to facilitate the process.

By interacting with multiple women:

You learn what disgusts most women. And you avoid those things.
You learn what attracts most women. And you develop those things.

Some examples:

In the last month, four different women from four different social circles have referenced the idea of a “rip your clothes off” kind of guy. That’s a pattern to take note of and remember. Women crave aggressive, attractive men. The first time I literally ripped a woman’s shirt in two down the front, she told me something like “No one’s ever done that to me before. I’m going to remember that forever.” and she had the most glowing smile on her face… she was elated… like a long-held fantasy had come true. I won’t forget that smile.

One time I was with this one particular woman for the first time and I swore that I had to have been with her before (though I hadn’t) because her mannerisms were complete deja vu. What I realized later was that what her and the other girl had in common were that they were both Southerners and had both learned to play the coy-card in the same way. The pattern: women in the south have this endearing “oh, i just can’t… but oh, my, you take my breath away and i’m weak right now” behavior. In all cases, when you see it, you pause (let her feel safe), and then you push further (excite her). She gets turned on by a man who doesn’t stop fighting.

I mentioned the other day, that women love banter. A guy who can playfully joust with a woman simply has to be physically proximate to and physically isolated with that woman to take things further. If you have her feeling good and light, what happens next is inevitable so long as you lead the way.

Women hate being asked for permission. Compare: “Can we have sex?” vs “I’m going to fuck you now.” The former turns the woman off. The latter turns the woman on. I’ve not seen an exception. The few times in my life when I made the mistake of asking for permission, relationships went to the “let’s just be friends” category very quickly. And I learned quickly. Never ask for permission. Never.

Women get turned off by having to make rational decisions about sex. I recall that almost every first time I’ve penetrated a woman, she’s entered into this sub-conscious state of mental submission… eyes closed… ready to joyfully receive what the universe had made inevitable…. it’s hard to describe but guys who’ve been with a handful of women will know what I’m talking about here. It’s a joyful resignation.

Women love guys who do socially impressive stuff. You can use Facebook to test out what women find impressive. It’s a fun social experiment. And patterns quickly emerge.

Women are attracted to guys who don’t need them. Guys who are impressive without women.

Women are disgusted by guys who are totally consumed by the woman and otherwise socially impotent.

1) Find opportunities to admire him
Men love being admired and respected. But only if it’s genuine. Look for ways to let him know what you admire and respect about him.

2) Get fit.
Guys love a fit body. Focus on squats and lunges. But tone everything up. Make him crave your body.

3) Give him opportunities to lead you
Here’s a risky exercise in trust: suggest that for a whole month he can tell you to do one thing each day and no matter what it is, you’ll do it. You’ll both enjoy the teacher-student structure.

4) Try The Mystery Bag Sex Experiment
I described the experiment in detail here. It’s great for increasing sexual communication, trust and anticipation.

5) Encourage his dreams
All men have dreams. By our nature, we are driven to acquire and accomplish. Society does its best to squelch these dreams. But lurking in every man’s soul, they are present. Discover his dreams, and encourage them.

6) Catch a Shared Vision
Think about the next 10-20 years together. Are there things the two of you can look forward to together? Talk about these things. Work together to make them happen.

7) Tell Him You Want To See His Favorite Porn
Guys love women who are non-judgmental about porn and sexual fantasy. Give him the chance to express himself sexually to you by sharing his favorite porn. He has favorites. Trust me.

8) Brag about him to your friends
Get in the habit of admiring and respecting your partner by finding opportunities to brag about him behind his back. This will pay off in the relationship by creating a positive inner attitude.

9) Trust him with some space
Give him the time he needs to be alone. Give him the time he needs to maintain some independence. An strong, independent man who’s free to pursue his hobbbies, his friends and his dreams will be a much better partner and a much better lover.

10) Do something new and exciting together at least once a month
Take turns finding something new and exciting to do together once a month. This is different than your typical once a week “fun” which is also important. You need a once a month excitement plan in your relationship to keep it vibrant and healthy. I read a research article recently that said adding new and exciting variety to relationships is the best way to keep a relationship strong and to preserve a healthy monogamy.

Bonus: Give him reasons to turn into a wild beast of a thing in the bedroom. Be sexy. Flirt. Tempt him. Seduce him. Wear sexy clothes. Play hard to get. Wear sexy underwear. In my experience, the best sex for both partners always happens when the wild animal in the man is unleashed without abandon. Intense.

1) Be confident (having a skill helps, but isn’t necessary)
2) Be clean (don’t come off sloppy. groom, smell good, be well dressed, have some pride)
3) Honor nature: she should be younger and smaller than you.
4) Choose social opportunities (the party) over isolation (the porn)
5) Be strong and fit
6) Don’t focus on just one girl (having options has a compounding effect and makes everything else easier)
7) Don’t fear rejection. Especially from any one girl. (it’ll paralyze you if you do)
8) Practice physical dominance (posture, eye contact, smiling, hold head high)
9) See yourself as “the prize”
10) Push yourself to interact with girls on a regular basis, and become comfortable teasing them

If you’re sexually active as a teenager:

- Move her around
- Direct the show
- If you have to, pretend to be more experienced than you are

Major turnoffs:

- Seeming inexperienced
- Asking for permission
- Waiting for her to make decisions

Here are some tips for improving yourself and increasing your ability to attract and retain women:

1. Develop confidence (confidence is earned, so start earning it)
The more you believe in yourself for good, solid reasons, the easier it is to convey social value. Women are attracted to social value. So are employers. Plus it just feels good to go through life in a confident state.

2. Become strong and fit
Strength is great for your health but also builds inner confidence which will make it easier for you to interact with women. Turn the development of strength into a lifelong hobby. Healthy eating (paleo: meat and vegetables) will help your mind be as quick and energetic as possible.

3. Practice restraint and self-control
Limit your porn usage (try for once a week). Limit your video game playing (1 hour per day). Get yourself out of isolation and into social situations.

4. Develop a real skill or two
Developing a valuable skill will help you to develop inner confidence. Truly deserved inner confidence will make everything else in life go more smoothly.

5. Create social opportunity
Go out and be with people in lots of different situations that you enjoy. Minimize social isolation. Relationship and sexual opportunity is directly correlated with social opportunity. So get out there and start building your list of acquaintances. Camps and conferences are great ways to extend your network of acquaintances beyond your home base. The longer the list, the more opportunity: relational, employment, everything.

6. Always go younger
Honor the natural order of things. Women are attracted to older, more confident men. So make yourself older and more confident by choosing a younger woman.

7. Always go shorter
Again, honor the natural order of things. Women are attracted to men who are bigger than them. And trust me, it just feels a lot better as a man when the woman is smaller and shorter than you. Being naturally physically dominant goes a long way towards enhancing the relationship.

8. Practice maintaining eye contact with everyone
A confident person maintains eye contact. A submissive person looks away. Whether it’s the old grandmotherly lady, the man at the grocery store or the hottie who gets your blood pumping… look at them unashamedly. It’ll take some work… but eye contact is one of two primary behavioral openings for human relationships.

9. Practice your smile
Smiling is the other primary behavioral opening for human relationships. Not a cheesy smile. A confident but warm smile that draws people into you and makes you seem worth knowing.

10. Fake it till you make it
Women are attracted to guys who are experienced and guys who have options. Taking on an attitude (even a false narrative if necessary) that conveys experience and options will go a long way towards attracting women.

11. Be selective and don’t be desperate/clingy
Spend some time building a list of the sort of things you like in women. Know what you want. To the guy who’s not been with many women, this can be a catch 22 because you won’t really know what you don’t like and what you do like until you’ve experienced it. The important thing is to take the mindset of “I’m the catch, so I get to choose.”

12. You’re The Catch
Remember: she’s the one who’s lucky to be with you. If you ever find yourself feeling lucky to be with her… you’re in the wrong state of mind. You are the prize. You are the King. And she’s your plaything.

13. Be the leader
Don’t look for direction from her. You set the vibe. You set the pace. You make the decisions. You develop the plans. Of course you can take her input… but not in a hapless/pathetic way.

14. Don’t ever ask for permission (she’s waiting for you to take her on a ride)
Asking for permission is an attraction killer. If you want the kiss, go for it like you expect her to appreciate it. A slight smile on your face as you go in can hide any nervousness.

15. Stand your ground
For your sake and the sake of your relationships. Don’t be a pushover. Have some substance.

16. Learn to relax yourself through nervousness
Slow your breathing down. Loosen your muscles. Display a relaxed vibe at all times. Be unphased.

17. Don’t sweat rejection
A girl can reject you for all sorts of reasons unrelated to you (even the point she is in her cycle plays a role). She may say no to a date because she’s on her period and not feeling attractive. You never know. Don’t try to know. Just keep moving forward.

18. Know that women change their moods and attitudes throughout their cycle
Learn to love it. Don’t expect consistency. Adapt and use it to your advantage.

19. Love space
Don’t let infatuation make you clingy and possessive. Give her some intensity, and then pull back… letting her long for more.

20. Don’t sacrifice your friends and hobbies
If you ever find yourself doing this for a girl, it’s unhealthy. So stop. Get your life back together.

21. 90% you, 10% her
Girls are attracted to guys who have lives independent of them. No girl wants all your attention. She wants and needs to have time to look from a far at you doing your thing. So keep doing your thing.

22. Have options
Work on building a group of girls that would make a nice backup to your current girlfriend.

23. Dump her first
It pays to be the first to dump, assuming you’re ready to give the relationship a rest (permanent or temporary). In many cases, she becomes yours forever. Her brain locks onto you and wonders “why”

24. Don’t give up
Almost every girl I’ve ever been with put up some early resistance. Just take it as part of the relationship game, push through, keep trying… playfully.

25. Be light
Don’t take yourself or your relationships too seriously.

26. Learn how to tease
Teasing is chick crack. And it’s a subtle way of making her feel good while also making her feel like she’s got to prove herself to you in some way.

27. Be bold
Tell her what to wear. Tell her what to do. Take her on an adventure. Women love bold guys who “teach” them how to live.

28. Learn to let go without understanding
A lot of guys have trouble letting go once they’ve “won” a girl over. We are hardwired to see women as rare, prized commodoties in the mating game. However, you’ve got to untrain yourself and learn to refocus. Having other options helps a whole lot here.

29. Don’t lock on to one girl
One of my friends, in retrospect, spent his entire high school life locked onto one girl (I even remember her name… Anna). He inevitably missed out on other opportunities. Leave your options open.

30. Don’t expect exclusivity
I haven’t known a girl who didn’t cheat on a high school boyfriend. If you expect exclusivity, you need to communicate it. She most likely doesn’t think that’s a condition of the relationship for herself. My advice: assume the opposite and be physically active with several girls at once.

31. Bait and Switch
Showing interest, but not being obsessive is the key to opening the door to a relationship. One trick that’s worked well for me in the past… show more interest in one of her friends. The natural jealousy will most likely make her see you as a catch. Another trick: at parties… you can strike up a good conversation, but intentionally be the first one to leave her company and show her that you can have a good time without her. She’ll spend the rest of the party wanting you to come back… and that’s a good place to have her.