Phase Frame

How to thrive as a man.

Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category


leave a comment »

I have sapiosexual, long-term preferences. Tits and ass and face mean a lot. But I absolutely value a woman who’s got glimmers of intelligence.

Several reasons.

I like mindfucking. I like playing around. I like games. An intelligent girl can add complexity to the mating ritual and make it more interesting.

If they are attractive, intelligent girls know that they like being submissive in the bedroom and in the relationship.

Intelligent girls tend to be more stable. Less bullshit, more fun.

Intelligent girls still go through the ebbs and flows of the monthly cycle, but can have an awareness that lets them hold themselves in check.

Intelligent girls don’t want to be endlessly entertained. They do want spikes of excitement, with nice long breaks in between.

Intelligent girls tend to be less co-dependent and controlling.


Intelligent girls can have trouble trusting. Excessively cynical.
Intelligent girls can be excessively career driven and therefore less feminine or family oriented.
Intelligent girls, if career driven, can be terrible candidates for being the mother of your children.


A guy who’s got sapiosexual tendencies has high standards for long term relationships that most women can not meet. The key is to diversify and enjoy some women simply for their physical form alone, while you actively engage social environments conducive to meeting intelligent women. Coffee shops. Bookstores. Lectures. Yoga Classes. Sculpture classes. The gym (a lot of women who are mindful enough and disciplined enough to go to the gym will have a nice level of intelligence).

Point being: know what you like but don’t let short term opportunities pass by because they aren’t perfect. Don’t make the mistake of limiting your options to women who can satisfy your desire for creativity and variety. Otherwise you’ll be frustrated. It’s the oneitis of type.

There are going to be compromises along the way no matter what woman comes your way. Just remember to be picky about your long term options, and more open with the short term. Short term abundance will lead to better long term options.

Written by James

October 19, 2014 at 7:14 pm

Is it ok if I look at you?

leave a comment »

In the past, when I looked at a girl, I looked at her honestly. I felt no need to hide intentions. If I wanted to fuck her, I looked at her that way.

But after watching this video, I’m starting to doubt myself. In fact, the video has now convinced me. From here on out, I will ask her permission for everything.

Written by James

October 19, 2014 at 2:05 pm

Telegony – Another reason to go low

leave a comment »

While this has not been verified in humans… it is entirely possible. Our knowledge of biology is incomplete, even when we pretend that we’ve got it all figured out. We also tend to think in terms of discrete either/or options but reality does not: it very well could be that the female egg takes multiple informational input as a diversification strategy. We simply do not know.

Moral of the story: another reason to value women with zero to very low previous sexual experience. The possibility that the men who spread their seed in her, spread part of their seed for good.

Moral of the story 2: for every instinct (like men craving youthful, inexperienced girls and displaying rage at infidelity) there is probably a good ancient reason that still manifests itself in the modern world, outside of our awareness. Men might simply desire kids that are maximally theirs.

Written by James

October 3, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Posted in Sexuality

At Least Twice as Hard

with one comment

Every once in a while old memories of past relationships resurface out of the blue and this past week I was thinking about a relationship I had in my mid-20s with a younger girl who told me she had a sexual desire to slap me in the face.

I told her “If you were to do that to me, I’d spank the shit out of your ass. We’re not talking light. I’m going to inflict some real pain. So think about it before going off half-cocked.”

Probably the 6th or 7th sexual encounter with her, she was on top and she just hauled off and slapped me across the face. I proceeded to reach up and grab her throat with one hand and the back of her hair with another hand, turned her over, shoved her face into the bed, kept one hand pressing down on her neck and spanked the hell out of her ass. I told her to never do that again.

A few weeks later, she did it again. This time I grabbed her neck and slapped her across the face 10x harder than she slapped me while asking her “Did you hear what I said?” Then I bent her over and spanked her twice as hard and twice as long.

It didn’t work. For the rest of that relationship, she would periodically initiate this violence. And I would always respond harder and more violently than the time before. She was seeking it out. And I was thoroughly enjoying the chance to respond by dominating her that way.

I’m not sure there’s a moral to this story other than: in a sexual relationship, always make sure you’re ultimately the one in control. If she tries something to dominate you… you up the ante and turn the tables.

Written by James

October 27, 2013 at 11:11 am

HER body, Compared to YOUR body

leave a comment »

I’ve been talking with a woman who currently has two boyfriends. She has one boyfriend who, according to her, has the perfect body (muscular, fit, healthy skin, etc.). But also according to her, his perfect body makes her feel imperfect.

Her other boyfriend is a big bear. Not super fat and overweight. Just big. 6’5′ and 260lbs. He’s a bouncer.

She says she gets two completely different sensations from being with these two different guys.

Mr. Perfect Body is hard to pin down. Mysterious. Unwilling to make commitments. He has unlimited options. And yet he’s chosen to spend some of his limited time with her. That makes her feel special, but undeserving. He fucks her like it’s the end of the world, goes for marathon sessions, leaves her bruised and makes her melt in an “overwhelmed with his goodness” kind of way. He pulls her hair. He manhandles her. He excites her. He directs the show. She fully submits. Ultimately, he haunts her. But he also makes her feel insecure about herself.

Mr. Bouncer makes her feel safe and secure and protected by a big, strong man. She loves being in his arms, wrapped up by a big teddy bear. He also makes her feel hot, because compared to his imperfect body (it’s important to note that his body does not evoke disgust in her… that is critical) she knows she’s got a smokin’ body. With Mr. Bouncer, sex is all about him lying on his back and her pleasing him, taking care of him. She has a lot of control over that relationship both physically and emotionally because she knows that he values her in a way that Mr. Perfect Body does not, and that makes her feel special.

So here you have two completely different experiences that a woman is going through with two completely different men. Both give insight into the sort of men women are attracted to:

1) men who excite and dominate and flatter her by choosing her despite her not being good enough (though in this case she is a hottie to the max and doesn’t fully realize it)

2) men who make her feel safe and well taken care of, and flatter her own self-image by allowing her to feel a sense of body-image superiority

You can always understand what motivates women with two simple words: Safety and Excitement. And if you’re not giving at least one of those things to a woman, then she’s just not into you.

Written by James

October 12, 2013 at 12:00 pm

You have value, just not THAT value

leave a comment »

It happens at least once a week here at PhaseFrame. Some random woman who has been fucking her way through her 20’s and is now on the decline in her 30’s goes to the Big G and searches for information about what guys are looking for in a wife.

Inevitably, she has many of the virtues on that list. But equally as inevitably, she becomes disturbed by #24:

A good woman will not have slept with more than 2 guys (preferably none) prior to you

“Seriously?!?” “This list is odd.” “You are a woman hater you asshole.”

See what’s going on here? They hit #24 and the list loses credibility because in their world, no woman has only had sex with less than 2 guys. Especially since she’s on number 31.

So why did I include that in the list of priorities when choosing a woman to marry?

It’s pretty damn straightforward:

In women, there is a direct, scientific correlation between quantity of previous sexual experiences and a proclivity to cheat. A woman who has slept with 15 previous guys (which I would say is the baseline norm today… with the hotter women being closer to 30), is a lot more likely to screw around during ovulation than a woman who has valued modesty and restraint and conditioned herself to find self-worth in loyalty.

In other words, if the fidelity of your wife is important to you as a guy (and I would suggest that it is in all guys, unless they’ve been social conditioned out of it)… there is real value in a woman who has had fewer sexual partners… because that drastically reduces the likelihood that she will cheat on you.

The fact that there are so many women out there getting offended by this basic fact of reality is hilarious (it’s pure defensive narcissism). It’s anger at the Universe for not allowing them to have their cake and eat it too.

Ladies, you enjoyed your sexual peak. I’m sure it was bliss… most of the time. There’s nothing wrong with that. But there are real world consequences. And the fact is that any man with half a brain will enjoy your sexual peak too, and then find a more modest, younger woman to marry.

It’s nature baby.

Written by James

October 11, 2013 at 12:32 pm

How much does work stress affect the male libido?

leave a comment »

Reader Anna asks:

Just how much does work stress affect the male libido?

Stress lessens male libido. Sometimes a lot. Physiologically, when a man is stressed out, he doesn’t feel like exerting the energy to be dominant. And psychologically, when he’s stressed, his mind may be elsewhere.

Stress also increases a desire for release. Passive release.

So, if you’ve got a genuine interest in loving a man… be willing to let him NOT have to be dominant SOMETIMES. Because being dominant is just another high energy responsibility that he, quite frankly, isn’t going to feel up to. Men are not constant superheros. They need downtime.

So sometimes, initiate the sex. Soothe him. Serve him. Let him relax.

If he’s avoiding you in high-stress times, it’s because he feels the pressure to perform… and really what he needs is the permission to let go and enjoy the show. So give him a show.

Just don’t let that become the habit. Because over the long haul, male-dominant sex will be the most deeply satisfying for everyone.

Written by James

October 11, 2013 at 12:44 am

That Sweet, Sweet Smile

leave a comment »

There is nothing on earth like seeing an attractive woman for the first time and getting that smile which, in all of my experience, indicates a pre-rational “i approve of your genes. let’s get it on.” attitude.

It brightens my day. Especially when it comes from a 20 year old college girl hottie.

Today, I am thankful for the smiles of 20 year old college girls.

Cheers to the creator of such things.

Written by James

October 9, 2013 at 4:15 pm

Going Old School

leave a comment »

My partner and I have a date tonight and we’re doing something we haven’t done in over a decade together. Playing some racquetball. Then showering. Then going out to dinner. Then going to the local college tavern for drinks.

This was a common date pattern for her and I oh, say, 12 years ago. And for whatever reason (…life…) we got out of the pattern. But we both used to love it. And I was thinking fondly about it the other day and was just like … hell, that doesn’t need to just be a memory.

So we’re both looking forward to going out on an old school racquetball date tonight. And who knows… there might be some surprises thrown in along the way;)

Written by James

September 20, 2013 at 10:43 am

What makes a man NOT want to have sex?

leave a comment »

Reader Tee asks:

“Why do men only want to have sex when they want to have it and not when the woman wants it or sometimes want to get on top or engage in the sexual activity.”

Hi Tee. I’m not 100% sure I understand the last part of your question, but let me do my best to address it.

First, the easy part: “Why do men only want to have sex when they want to have it and not when the woman wants it”

There are many reasons that men don’t want to have sex, so let me list a few:

1) Low-energy
2) High stress
3) Low testosterone
4) Pressure to perform
5) Boring/Vanilla
6) Not feeling admired/respected
7) Feels mechanical

If you want to get a man amped up for sex, it’s pretty simple (assuming you’ve got something attractive to offer with your body and/or personality). Minimize the 7 things on that list and then flirt/seduce. Catch him at a high-energy time of day. Help him get relaxed (preferably without booze). Encourage him to be active. Let him know that he’s more than good enough. Create an exciting context for sex. Let him know that you admire him. Be creative. Change things up.

Sometimes, life gives us the raw deal and there are going to be days when a man just isn’t up for sex. But that should be the exception, not the rule. If most days a man doesn’t feel like having sex, then that’s a sign that something is fundamentally wrong and his life is in need of rejuvenation.

So let’s address the second part of the question: “or sometimes want to get on top or engage in the sexual activity.”

I’m not sure if you’re asking “why don’t men sometimes get on top or engage in sexual activity” or “why do men have a problem with women getting on top and engaging in sexual activity” – both of these are potential issues. So I’ll address both in the hope of answering your question.

A) “why don’t men sometimes get on top or engage in sexual activity”
Many men are overstressed and out of shape. They want sex to be a release. Getting on top and dominating is another form of responsibility. And it takes strength. Most men these days are not in shape and get exhausted from being on top. The key: men will get on top and engage in sexual activity a whole lot more if they are active, fit men with low stress.

B) “why do men have a problem with women getting on top and engaging in sexual activity”
I don’t know any men who have a problem with this. I love when a woman engages in sexual activity. In fact, based on my conversations with other men, most guys wish their women initiated sex more often. Guys like knowing that their women are into sex and not just going through robotic motions… so I can’t imagine a guy not being thrilled that his woman is flirting with him, unless: see the list of 7 reasons men don’t want to have sex.

Written by James

August 31, 2013 at 11:37 am