Phase Frame

Female attraction to men is far more dictated by psychology than male attraction to women. This is great news for guys who aren’t the best looking in the world but still have attractive personalities. It’s also one of the primary reasons why women are attracted to older men: older men are better able to convey strong psychological signals.

Since attraction is fundamentally about our body helping us to choose a good mate, there’s no way to create a clean distinction between physical and psychological signals. Often, physical signals (strong voice) are signs of psychological states (confidence) which are themselves signs of a physical proof (a past deserving of confidence).

Below I’ve listed what I see as 5 primary psychological signals that women are attracted to.

1) Decision making
Women prefer men who make decisions for them. Whether it’s where to go to eat that night, or whether there’s going to be sex that night. This is not about controlling her. It’s about leading her. You don’t say “We’re going to Wendy’s tonight and that’s the end of it.” You say, “Hey, what do you think about going to that new Thai restaurant tonight?” or you text her and say “Let’s do Mexican tonight!” What a woman hates is a passive guy who has no opinions and makes no decisions.

2) Creativity
The mundane, every day ways of expressing creativity are various forms of humor (especially sarcasm). The thing with most forms of creativity is that they wear thin… so while you may seduce an introverted-intellectual with a few poems, you’ll probably have to find new creative ways to excite her as time rolls on. Be creative about your displays of creativity. One way of doing this is by mixing 1) and 2). Nothing turns a woman on like a creative decision maker. So occasionally come up with a creative plan to excite her.

3) Skill
Many skills are expressions of creativity but valuable skills also express important things like long-term commitment, hard work, physical ability, etc. Things that make her feel safe. That’s one of the reasons the guy who plays guitar in the band has girls swooning all over him. Skill is a sign not only that you’ll be able to excite her, but that you also have the ingredients for being a long-term partner.

4) Spontaneity
More than anything, you can count on the fact that women want the one-two punch of first, being chosen by a worthy guy and then being swept away. There’s literally only one line you need to memorize for this (say it with excited eyes and a knowing smile): “Hey…, let’s do something crazy.” That’s when you grab her hand and take her to the nearest lake and just jump in, clothes and all.

5) Teasing Playfulness
Perhaps the most important psychological tool for a man to have in a relationship with a woman is the ability to tease and be playful, especially as a way of redirecting spite or anger. When you respond to her state of emotional confusion by leading her into a more pleasant state of laughter, she’ll be impressed at many levels. This shows her 1) that she can’t control you (which deep down is not something she wants anyway) 2) that you are in control 3) that she is safe with you.