Phase Frame

Show your girlfriend this video. See how she responds. Encourage her to talk freely. Show no judgement. Use it to pry out information. Girls who are into this fantasy stuff, really into it, are no good for marriage. They want magic. And they aren’t going to get it.

It’s in your genes. Your eyes track attractive women. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. And if your girlfriend has a problem with it, then she’s delusional. Delusional.

Laugh at her delusion.

If you’re at dinner and she gives you shaming signals (a gasp, rolling eyes, the whole “omg” attitude)… pretend you didn’t notice and say “she’s pretty hot, don’t you think?” When she rolls her eyes, smirk and look her directly in the eyes and treat her like the child she’s being. You’re framing the relationship. You’re setting the standards and expectations. You’re telling her that you’re going to be a guy in this relationship. And if she doesn’t take the hint… then you’ll be glad you walked away as early as you did.

Men’s Rules For Women

I saw this on Facebook. Well done sirs. Well done.

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We keep getting all these, “rules from the woman’s side”, emails so we figured it was time for a “rules from the man’s side” email. These are our rules! Learn them, memorize them and use them!

Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us whining about you leaving it down.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Saturday = Sports

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Check your oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us look. It doesn’t hurt anyone, to look. And for us, its genetic.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

We are not mind readers and we never will be.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will believe you.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

I’ve tried a variety of approaches to relationships throughout my life. And my view at this point is that your approach to relationships (and your expectations) need to change with time and experience.

What you expect, and how you conduct a relationship at 16 is very different than at 33, and far more different at 65. You can’t have the same standards and values at each of these phases of life.

But there is one piece of advice that I think everyone should hear with regard to relationships: you should prepare for the end.

Now, some people might disagree and suggest that this is like telling little kids that Santa Claus is not real. It diminishes the hopefulness of the experience.

I’m going to disagree: I had a friend in high school who committed suicide over a breakup. He wasn’t prepared for the end of his relationship. And it cost him his life.

Because of the intense feelings that people experience when “in love” and the intense loss of hope when the other person ends the relationship, it’s clear to me that reality is far better than illusion. Reality says “enjoy it for a season, but know that it is just a season.” Illusion says “enjoy it like it will never end”

I’m an advocate of preparation. Prepared people… people who plan… people who know what to expect, tend to live fuller, healthier, more stable lives.

So let me say it loud and clear: in any relationship, whether it be the first experience of puppy love or the thirtieth time you’ve discovered your soul mate… have a plan for dealing with the end. And at the core of that plan should be phase frame: your ability to stand on your own two feet, independent, free, passionate about life, strong and adventurous.

She should never become everything to you. Because then, truly… the end.

There’s so much that’s irrational about the human form of life. Whether it be reasons for war, or our motivations in relationships. Coming to grips with the irrationality of things, and simply embracing life as it presents itself was a major stepping stone in my life.

One common thing that guys do at the end of a relationship is to try to understand. Just one more letter. One more plea for “why” – but often that does not come. And unless you can learn to give up on trying to understand and simply move on with your life, it will drive you crazy. I’ve seen guys commit suicide over it. Sadly. And so irrationally overpowered by intense, driving emotions.

My view on human action and human motivation is that we’re not always aware of why we do what we do. So if I don’t always understand why I do what I do, how can I expect to understand why others do what they do? I shouldn’t expect to. Especially since many of our actions are motivated by sub-conscious impulses of the body that never make it into our conscious decision making awareness.

Think about war. I sincerely believe that many of the reasons for our latest round of wars has seemed justified by the people in leadership. I do not think they have been trying to deceive people into fighting unjust wars. Nonetheless, I believe we’ve committed egregious violations against national sovereignty and international law. As humans, we are especially good at justifying bad actions… because we have a narrative for our actions that “feels right” – pretty much anything can be justified this way.

Despite there being many irrational and sub-rational components to human action, there are many patterns as well. Learning these patterns doesn’t give you sure-fire predictive abilities, but it drastically improves your ability to navigate an otherwise complex world. And the more prepared you are for common possibilities, the less intense the sting of let-down will be in life.

The same goes for relationships. Especially for relationships.

Probably the most important patterns to recognize as far as relations go are the ones where there is asymmetry in love (the writing on the wall). You can be pulled along on a string for a long time if you don’t pay attention to the cues. People don’t hesitate to use each other, often unintentionally. Sometimes women don’t want to fully let go because they know they’ll lose a lot of perks along the way. But at a certain point, you’ve got to have the integrity and self-worth to expect at least as much from your partner as you put into her.

Don’t fool yourself. Don’t be so consumed with a woman that you miss the signals. And don’t assume the signals will just go away. When things are serious enough, someone has to be brave enough to take the bold action of fully letting go and moving on. And even if you never have to make that move, at least be the one who’s prepared to.

Don’t ever allow yourself to be used and abused. Don’t get jerked around.

Although I’m a strong advocate of eating fresh, natural foods, there is room in the modern diet for certain non or slow-perishable foods.

The good news is that you can order a lot of these things on Amazon.com.

What I’ve been doing lately is keeping a Google Doc with a list of Amazon links to products that I order on a regular basis. Things like:

Coconut Milk
Cashews
Almonds
Protein Powder
Beef Jerky (though soon I’m going to be making my own: just bought a food dehydrator)

(since I prefer fresh veggies from my own or neighbor gardens, rather than canned, I don’t order them canned.. but that’s another item you could add to the list)

Of course food is not all that I order, I also get:

Deodorant
Tooth paste
Soap
Socks (I order 3 new pairs of socks ever 3 months so that I can naturally cycle out the ones with holes)
T-Shirts
Diapers (for the 2 year old. not me. what were you thinking?!?!)
Razor blades
etc.

I’ve basically replaced Walmart with Amazon. In fact, I haven’t been to Walmart since Jan 1 (I took on one of my friend’s New Year’s resolutions to not shop at Walmart for a whole year). The cool thing is, with Amazon, I don’t have to pay for gas (I live 25 minutes from the nearest Walmart), I don’t have to get inundated with an overstimulating environment (I can’t stand this about modern shopping environments) and I’m not tempted to buy things I don’t need.

By keeping a list of links to Amazon products that I buy regularly, as soon as I’m running low, I hop on the Internet, click a few buttons, and can reliably expect to get my items in 4-5 days (which is plenty of time for my needs).

A female friend of mine asked me why I think humans crave monogamy from their partners in romantic relationships. She was interested in whether I thought it was instinctual or purely environmental. So here’s my answer.

The desire for monogamy manifests itself in different ways at different times. For example, early in a relationship, there is an incredibly strong instinct for monogamy in all directions: both partners are focused in on each other like a laser. Typically, when enamored, the chemicals of the brain have you so focused on the other person that it’s hard to feel much real attraction for others. This is when monogamy is easy.

Men and women crave monogamy for different reasons. And to understand the dynamics of monogamy, you’ve got to understand these reasons.

Women crave monogamy because, from a biological resources perspective, it’s expensive for a woman to get pregnant. So if you think historically (pre-contraception) it was in the woman’s interest to make sure she had a guy who was going to stick with her and help her and her child survive. I’ve seen this deeply ingrained behavior manifest itself *almost* universally with the women I’ve been with in a “day-after-sex” form of manipulation – it’s very common (probably instinctual) for the day after response to be a solicitation of more commitment.

I think men crave monogamy for one simple biological reason: to increase the chance of paternity. Since for males, unlike females, paternity is not guaranteed. This is the case for all mammals -> in fact, in most species of mammals, the majority of males never reproduce (studies have shown numbers like only 20-40% in many species)… they serve some other social function while only a few of the higher status males reproduce. If you think about it… it only takes one bull to get 250 cows pregnant. So I think the male desire for monogamy originated as a strategy for increasing his chances of paternity with that particular woman (by keeping the sperm of other men out of her reproductive tract).

So for men, possessiveness derives from a desire to ensure paternity (no sperm but my sperm!). For women, possessiveness derives from a desire for protection and resources (if I’m going to have your baby, then you’re going to help keep us both alive).

Two different instincts which still manifest themselves in a world that’s far different from when they were shaped as biological forces.

From an early age we’re trained to want. To long for. To never be satisfied.

And it’s not as if these are just social constructions. Rather, our modern environment exploits many of our healthy, natural instincts, for the sake of profit and money.

The problem isn’t wanting. It’s not knowing what to want.

There’s so much wisdom to be gained for human life by looking at a creature of nature such as the Sparrow. You want to get your priorities straight? Think about what a Sparrow needs. Seed. Water. A place for safety. A mate or two to procreate with. And the physical activity to get these things (a need in itself).

The Sparrow knows how to be a sparrow. It simply lives.

Get the fundamentals right. Know what to care about. And the rest normally falls into place.

Yesterday I covered 5 Psychological Signals That Women Respond To.

There was one critical signal I left off that list: women crave a man who has a sense of purpose. A man who is passionate.

A passionate sense of purpose is attractive because of all that it conveys: confidence, ability, commitment, leadership.

When you have a few admirable things that you live for with passion, you’re the confident sort of leader that most girls are longing for.

Ask yourself: what do you get excited about when you wake up each day? Anything? If not, it’s time to start seeking out a project. Perhaps the first one to start with is your own body. There are lots of girls out there who dig fitness and men who are passionate about fitness. Turn it into a hobby.

Female attraction to men is far more dictated by psychology than male attraction to women. This is great news for guys who aren’t the best looking in the world but still have attractive personalities. It’s also one of the primary reasons why women are attracted to older men: older men are better able to convey strong psychological signals.

Since attraction is fundamentally about our body helping us to choose a good mate, there’s no way to create a clean distinction between physical and psychological signals. Often, physical signals (strong voice) are signs of psychological states (confidence) which are themselves signs of a physical proof (a past deserving of confidence).

Below I’ve listed what I see as 5 primary psychological signals that women are attracted to. Read the rest of this entry »