From birth, she was taught that she deserved the world and all its contents.
Yesterday I was interacting with about 4 dozen middle aged women in a life coach type situation. Most of them were very sweet. One of them was total bitch. Nasty. Negative. A real potential cancer both to my own internal mental state and to the energy of the group.
The good news is that lately I’ve been developing my mental state for this type of situation.
So I beat that shit down with an internal, positive bounce and light smile that I’ve developed while meditating to the face of an angry looking fat woman (I kid you not). I beat it out of her by maintaining my own internal state. Not letting her affect me. I made positive energy and shared it with the group. She got jealous. And I made the other women ecstatic by having fun with them.
That’s one of the main responsibilities of being a Phase Frame man. Dictating emotional states to other people in your environment.
A man with PhaseFrame can melt the bitch out of a group.
The big drive I made early on in developing my own personal Phase Frame was to be emotionally unaffected by the outside world, including other people. This skill goes a long way. When a woman sees that you’re unflappable, bitch-proof, and playing your own game, she can’t help but take notice.
What I’ve discovered in the last few years is that my developed unphaseability had this negative side effect: life was getting numb and boring. I’d mastered and dulled all my emotions in an effort to gain a strong state of Phase Frame. In the process, life lost some of its color.
So, for a few years now, I’ve been me more selective in being unaffected. And I’ve been more intentional about the positive internal emotions that I cultivate. And I’ve not been afraid to let the right sort of environments into my emotional system. See… that’s the problem I was facing: rather than replacing negative emotions with self-controlled positive ones, I simply rejected emotion and the outside world’s ability to impact me. I mastered stoic, badass, mysterious, loner. And sure women are enticed by that frame. But in the process I allowed this desire for women to remove some of my greatest happinesses. Sunsets and shit like that stopped affecting me. That was a red flag.
Here are some tips for avoiding my mistakes, maintaining control over your state when you want to, developing a force field against social negativity but also being empowered by positive environmental energy:
1) Meditate for 10-20 minutes every day. The goal here is to control your own internal emotional state. Keep a timer so that you can go completely out of mind. Alternate meditations strategies with 7 different modes: A) eyes closed B) eyes opened staring at nothingness (a wall) C) eyes opened staring at a hot woman’s eyes D) eyes opened staring at an old lady E) eyes opened staring at an obese woman F) eyes open staring at a beautiful landscape. G) Eyes opened staring at a professional athlete. The goal with meditation is to not think… to just be. It’s about being in the moment. It’s about setting your emotional frame and then letting go of your head. I like to meditate while staring into the faces of people so that I can practice being present with different environmental factors and maintain positive energy throughout.
2) Intentionally place yourself in environments that give you natural happiness. Embrace the natural happiness. Let it wash over you. Let it empower you.
3) Selectively place yourself in challenging, negative environments to practice your emotional force field, and work on cultivating positive energy in these environments. Does your family of origin (mom and dad?) cause you anxiety? Smile about it, engage it, laugh, bounce, vibe through it. Work on maintaining a positive state in the face of negative energy.
4) Cultivate an attitude of thankfulness for all good things. A firm round ass. A jaw dropping sunset. An old man who tells wise old stories. The woman you fuck into heaven. A smiling baby.
5) See the world lightly. Find a way to laugh or smile about everything. Everything.
6) Excite yourself in non-dulling ways. Go on a real, new adventure every month.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
PhaseFrame has taken a backseat to what I’ll call the major “expansion” phase of my life. The seeds are sown. The pieces are set. I made shit happen. I made the life I want. Time to harvest the goods. Time to feast. Time to savor.
And part of “savor” means PhaseFraming… this site will start getting updates again.
… has had a mad crush on Slim Shady.
Eminem is: Confident. Honest. Driven. Vulnerable. Passionate. Badass.
Sometimes, in love, you’ve got to say no. Even when it feels like you’re abandoning someone.
Unhealthy dependencies and failure to appreciate natural boundaries is cancerous to a relationship.
If someone you love puts you in the position of feeling like you have no good option, and yet they had a choice to make your burden less burdensome… you should ALWAYS deny their move.
Now, if your parents are in old age and become burdensome in their needs, you take on that burden. The Universe demands it.
If you have kids, and they have real needs, you take on that burden. The Universe demands it.
But sometimes your kids will try to manipulate your love for them and put you in compromising situations. Love demands that you say no.
And sometimes your friends will do the same. Again, love may demand that you say no.
It’s ok to say no to someone you love. As hard and painful as it may feel.
I used to set locks and passwords on my phones and computers. Because I was afraid of getting snooped on. I haven’t for a good 5-6 years now.
Setting locks and passwords kills my frame.
I don’t fucking want to be with a girl who snoops. So I give her every chance in the world to snoop. And if she does, I’m done with her. No second chances. Think of it as a shit test.
Guys who set passwords and walk on egg shells protecting their smartphone are in a defensive, hiding frame. It was a huge step for me to just say fuck it… to pull my cigar out, light it up, look up at the moon, and give the Universe a big flip of the bird.
The psychologist Dean Simonton, when considering why so many gifted children fail to live up to their early promise, suggested that it comes down to the children being rule followers. They are “too conventional, too obedient, too unimaginative.” They gain early success by playing by the rules and giving people what they want and they spend their whole lives doing just that. But that creates a derivative life. And places an artificial ceiling on possibilities.
There is an absurd disposition for kids who grew up in adverse conditions to either 1) end up incredibly successful (Presidents, Prime Ministers, Billionaires) or 2) end up in prison. Why? Because adverse conditions gave these people the freedom to not give a shit about consequences… take risks and break convention. Some chose to make smart risks and got lucky. Some chose to take bad risks, and got unlucky.
As a parent, there are two main take home points here:
1) Give your kids the freedom to take smart risks … to take those leaps … to experience the exhilaration of overcoming fear and failure … and to achieve
2) Teach your kids to break the rules sometimes… to break convention, to imagine possibilities that others dismiss
As a man, there are two main take home points:
1) Take smart risks
2) Be unconventional. Break the rules. Imagine ways of being that your society dismisses.
Using these two rules will make you a free man, and will also increase female attraction to your wild, untamed spirit.
Affective forecasting is basically the mental act of predicting how we are going to feel. And all the science bears out on one conclusion: human beings suck at affective forecasting.
The psychologist Stanley J. Rachman, for example, has done things like take a group of people terrified of snakes and then show them a snake. Or take a group of claustrophobics and have them in a small metal closet. What he finds is that the actual experience of the thing that was feared is a lot less scary than the person imagined. – Malcolm Gladwell, David and Goliath
Modern men are often paralyzed by fear. Fear of their children failing. Fear of their wives leaving or cheating. Fear of losing a job. Fear of losing social respect. But it’s this very fear that contributes to a man having his spirit crushed, and ultimately not living the life he wants and instead living a life dictated by the expectations and norms of others.
We are all of us not merely liable to fear, we are also prone to be afraid of being afraid, and the conquering of fear produces exhilaration… The contrast between the previous apprehension and the present relief and feeling of security promotes a self-confidence that is the very father and mother of courage. J.T. MacCurdy, The Structure of Morale.
The most successful men, whether you are talking about entrepreneurs like Warren Buffet or social revolutionaries like Gandhi, are the ones who have overcome the fear of being afraid. The ones who take risks for what they believe is right, even when there are plenty of naysayers standing in the way.