Phase Frame

How to thrive as a man.

Loving Your Mom

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I have a large backlog of reader questions that I’ll start working through:

I grew up resenting my mom because she was very different than me and that’s affected our relationship. We annoy the hell out of each other. Do you have any tips for learning to get along with my mom after now that I’m in my late 20s? It’s something I’d like to do without pandering to her.

Solid question. I think we all have some latent resentments towards our parents. We all know the things we’d have done better.

You have a better sense of your mom than I do but here’s my advice:

1) have an honest conversation with her
2) tell her how you feel. she’ll appreciate the honesty.
3) be direct but sensitive to her emotions, don’t beat around the bush or avoid getting to the issue
4) ask her if she’s noticed the same tension (care about her feelings, show empathy)
5) give her a vision for what your relationship can look like

After having a conversation with her, immediately stop letting her control your state. That’s 80% of the issue. You resent her for some way she makes you feel. Take responsibility for your own mental state. Work on identifying the bad feelings (tension) that your mom creates in you and try to dismiss them by focusing on your attitude. Learn to laugh internally.

Another biggie: learn to say no. A lot of guys don’t want to disappoint their moms. But she’ll respect you more as the man you are if you say no from time to time. If you simply can’t make Thanksgiving dinner… say so. She’ll be disappointed. But that’s ok. That’s part of life.

Make the world you want.

Written by James

October 31, 2014 at 9:00 pm

Posted in Life, Phase Frame

In Every Healthy, Stable Relationship

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I’ve ever seen, the woman’s ego melts away in the shadow of a worthy man. By necessity.

And she glows.

Written by James

October 28, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Posted in Life, Relationships

Rural Game

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99% of game writing on the Internet is written for people who are mating in urban environments where scarcity is eliminated and social benefit is not conditional on reputation. I will grant you that running game is easiest in urban environments. But some of us value rural life for our inner game. To make our own stuff. It’s part of our vision of life.

In rural environments, game still works. Confidence is king. Chicks still dig jerks in high school.

But there are some differences.

1) It’s a lot harder to destroy your ego when scarcity isn’t eliminated by your environment (urban environments help to eliminate scarcity for the aware).
2) It’s a lot easier to be ostracized by your community and not recover in a rural environment (and be faced with the need to uproot).
3) To drop your ego completely, you’ve got to either A) be prepared to relocate B) not give a shit about social life at all (not a healthy option)
4) The consequences of a social fuck up are much higher if you care about establishing roots
5) There are not infinite social settings for finding new women
6) The supply of women who get your animalistic blood pumping is low

As a man, if running Game on hot women is a central value in your life, you will have a much easier and more rewarding time in urban settings. You can execute dread game and asshole game a lot more effectively and anonymously. The supply of hot women is nearly infinite. If one experiment fails, you move on to the next without a thought. Most of the ancient obstacles and penalties to approaching women (i.e. social ostracization and lifetime celibacy) are erased.

But if running serial game flawlessly and fruitfully (i.e. several dozens of women each year) is not your primary goal in life but only supplementary, here are some benefits to rural life.

1) It’s a lot easier to stand out as a guy if you’re exceptional
2) There’s a lot more natural freedom in rural environments. Less rules. It’s empowering.
3) The girls in rural environments are more accustomed to traditional and complimentary male-female relationship roles
4) Girls in rural environments appreciate strong, unphaseable men, not metrosexuals
5) In some rural spots you can satellite out to the nearest cities and establish a natural harem management facilitated by distance
6) It’s not difficult to run a pattern in rural environments of about 6-8 girls per year. For most guys, that’s plenty and also more sustainable and rewarding (if you value a little connection).

Tips for Rural Game:

1) Indirect game is the only game that is sustainable if you don’t want to get shot
2) Best to run game on women out of your local area
3) Spend a night or two each week in nearby cities.
4) Establish a group of male friends in nearby cities to bar hop and smoke cigars with
5) Travel to local colleges and universities
6) Be socially active (create opportunity) and keep your eyes open IOI opportunities that fall into your lap
7) Run long game and shit test the hell out of local girls until you know they are sane and submissive
8) Don’t end up with insane girls. You might get shot.
9) Being big matters. Lift weights.

Written by James

October 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm

Opportunity and Pounce

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A whole lot of life is a combination of opportunity and luck. The type of people who tend to get lucky also tend to be the type of people who planted opportunity for themselves to get lucky.

When I have conversations with people about starting a business, they often express the desire to be the next Facebook. To hit the homerun.

But homeruns aren’t a science. The people who hit homeruns get the little things right. They focus on the fundamentals. They make sure the grunt work is done. The make sure the seeds of opportunity are planted and then they are ready to pounce on the harvest if it happens.

But anyone who’s dealt with real farming or real business or anything real in life knows that sometimes you plant the seeds, focus on the fundamentals, and get a shitty result. How do you respond?

You adapt. You face reality. You create more opportunity.

What you don’t do in any phase of life is put all your eggs in one basket.

Whether it’s women, business or the development of any skill… you do the little things to maximize your opportunity. And then you pounce.

Written by James

October 28, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Posted in Life

She says the right things, at the right times

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A good woman will make you feel like a man. She’ll make you feel ultra sexual. She’ll go out and buy panties because you tell her to. She’ll give you gifts because she thinks it pleases you. She’ll try to do sweet things for you (I had a girlfriend who made me gloves one winter just to be nice). She’ll be flirty with you. She’ll admire you. She’ll empower you.

There’s this one girl who says all the right things at the right time. She inflates me. She pushes all my buttons in a good way. She motivates me. She brings out my best self.

“She’s manipulating you James. Don’t be phased.”

“Oh, but she’s invested. We have a history. She’s been tested and vetted. This is not a fly by night thing. Go ahead and call it manipulation if you like. I call it investment…. and proper frame.”

A girl who consistently pushes your buttons in the right way over an extended period of time is worth keeping in your life. If she gets your vibe up and makes your engine roar without too many costs (non-demanding) … she’s a keeper. Whether you’re committed to someone else or not. Let those gems stay in your life and feed you the rare, sweet nectar of femininity.

Written by James

October 27, 2014 at 1:49 am

Posted in Relationships

How To Teach Your Boys To Avoid Marriage

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Via Goodbye America.

When my boys ask I try to make it clear that they should only get married if the woman has a long track record (5+ years) of making him a better man… empowering him to do what he wants to do.

I have been fortunate enough to have a partner who empowers my dreams. She cooks for me. She does my laundry. She buys me things she thinks I’ll like. She encourages me. She gives me the time to do my shit. She’s not demanding. She cares for my boys. She gives me sexual freedom to be a man. She admires me.

I’m lucky.

I’m not na├»ve enough to think that this type of woman is common. I got lucky. I didn’t know how to find her. I didn’t know what to look for. I just got lucky. In retrospect, I don’t think I could have duplicated this life if I tried. The one thing on my side has been an unwillingness to be told what to do, ever. An unwillingness to be held back.

My advice to my boys is to never be controlled by a girl. To never let a girl tell them what to do. And to wait to get married until they find a woman who doesn’t talk shit, doesn’t make demands, and has a very strong record of empowering his dreams.

But those girls in the video above. Fuck. A man who doesn’t teach his son what vile filth looks like is failing at fatherhood..

Give your son a sense of his value so that he can avoid entitled, hateful women and proceed to thrive in life. To live the life he wants to live.

Written by James

October 25, 2014 at 6:34 pm

Sapiosexual

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I have sapiosexual, long-term preferences. Tits and ass and face mean a lot. But I absolutely value a woman who’s got glimmers of intelligence.

Several reasons.

I like mindfucking. I like playing around. I like games. An intelligent girl can add complexity to the mating ritual and make it more interesting.

If they are attractive, intelligent girls know that they like being submissive in the bedroom and in the relationship.

Intelligent girls tend to be more stable. Less bullshit, more fun.

Intelligent girls still go through the ebbs and flows of the monthly cycle, but can have an awareness that lets them hold themselves in check.

Intelligent girls don’t want to be endlessly entertained. They do want spikes of excitement, with nice long breaks in between.

Intelligent girls tend to be less co-dependent and controlling.

Downsides.

Intelligent girls can have trouble trusting. Excessively cynical.
Intelligent girls can be excessively career driven and therefore less feminine or family oriented.
Intelligent girls, if career driven, can be terrible candidates for being the mother of your children.

Strategy

A guy who’s got sapiosexual tendencies has high standards for long term relationships that most women can not meet. The key is to diversify and enjoy some women simply for their physical form alone, while you actively engage social environments conducive to meeting intelligent women. Coffee shops. Bookstores. Lectures. Yoga Classes. Sculpture classes. The gym (a lot of women who are mindful enough and disciplined enough to go to the gym will have a nice level of intelligence).

Point being: know what you like but don’t let short term opportunities pass by because they aren’t perfect. Don’t make the mistake of limiting your options to women who can satisfy your desire for creativity and variety. Otherwise you’ll be frustrated. It’s the oneitis of type.

There are going to be compromises along the way no matter what woman comes your way. Just remember to be picky about your long term options, and more open with the short term. Short term abundance will lead to better long term options.

Written by James

October 19, 2014 at 7:14 pm

The Costs and Benefits of Long Term Focus

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To do consistently great things in this world, you have to focus and then act. You can’t simply float down the stream 100% of the time. You have to be mindful. Intentional. You have to create your own environment.

For the last year I focused like a laser on a big, real world project that has now passed from strategy and startup to operational phase. Here are some things I noticed during that time:

1) By focusing on something big (a real world project with strong social visibility), I had no time to obsess about any one woman or to give any one woman a large amount of attention. I tend to be sapiosexual and when I find an intelligent but hot woman, if I’m not mindful, I can invest a little too much. With this project, necessity forced my hand. The results: I found the women in my life to be more attracted to me than ever and seeking my attention.

2) The danger of long term projects (and focus) is that it can make you unusually uptight at times as you may feel a natural tension and anxiety waiting for other people to get shit done. Women do not like uptight guys. Natural attraction is to guys who have fun, create excitement and have the potential to take them on a magical adventure through uncharted lands.

3) The key to overcoming the natural anxiety of focus is to compartmentalize and build in times of the day to be completely and utterly light. You have to be able to pivot in and out of focus. If you let focus consume you (i.e. you constantly worry about the details), it will not only drive you insane, it will drive women away. I had a super dry social month where people (women included) didn’t want to be around me. I blame it on a month of failing to compartmentalize and not being able to step away. It’s all about being intentional. Taking the time to do what’s right.

4) One way to lighten up is to be at peace with the reality that many things are out of your hands. Luck has a lot to do with everything: from business success to getting IOIs from women. Of course luck doesn’t have everything to do with it, but you can feel the peace to lighten up when you know you’ve put your 100% into giving yourself your best chance. Don’t be anxious over the stuff you can control.

5) Don’t ever take anything too seriously. Not so much that it saps the joy out of life. Most of the pressure you feel is pressure you put on yourself. Just do the little things you can do today to make the world you want tomorrow.

Written by James

October 19, 2014 at 4:28 pm

Posted in Phase Frame

Does she empower you or control you?

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I was meeting with a good friend and recent business partner the other day and I was giving him relationship advice. Here’s what I told him:

1) Stay with a woman who empowers you (both sexually and individually)
2) Leave a woman who seeks to control you or have you compromise
3) Don’t marry until you’re in your 40s; preferably after she’s already shown she can give you kids*.
4) The only good reason to marry is to raise healthy, well adjusted kids
5) Be certain that the woman you marry *wants* to be a mother
6) Be sure that she’s not going to change her tune once she’s got you locked down
7) Be ready to leave; always.
8) Keep a few woman in the queue in case the current one fails your requirements. Having a few women in the queue will also strengthen her desire for you as you’ll inevitably come off as having more social value.

*I’m now recommending to young guys that you not have kids with a woman unless you have enough dominance in the relationship to have a no-questions asked paternity test.

Written by James

October 19, 2014 at 2:17 pm

Is it ok if I look at you?

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In the past, when I looked at a girl, I looked at her honestly. I felt no need to hide intentions. If I wanted to fuck her, I looked at her that way.

But after watching this video, I’m starting to doubt myself. In fact, the video has now convinced me. From here on out, I will ask her permission for everything.

Written by James

October 19, 2014 at 2:05 pm